My Journey of Self Discovery By Guest Author Elizabeth Mija Stanley

About the author: Elizabeth, aka Mija, traveled with The Ties Program when she was 15 years old. She wrote this essay for her college entrance exams, and recentlyupdated it for a college English paper. She is currently 28 years old, attesting to the fact that the trip is a “beginning” or a day of birth as Mija states in her opening, and that adoptees continue processing it’s effect for a lifetime.My Journey of Self DiscoveryI remember the day I was born. Opening my eyes, for what seemed like the first time, I was a naïve fifteen years of age and three thousand miles from home. As I stepped off the airplane and placed my foot on unfamiliar ground, I sensed, almost instantly, I was about to embark on a journey of a lifetime.As far back as I can remember, all I ever wanted was to be white. As hard as I tried, I could never accept the fact that I was Asian. Being adopted at four months old into a primarily white society only reminded me every day of how different I was from everyone else. Lacking a connection with not only other Asians, but also my peers, I felt like an outsider. I can recall how uncomfortable and awkward I would be in a room with other Asians, feeling almost forced to act a certain way, and be proud of who I am. Unfortunately, that was not the case, and in my mind, I stuck out like a sore thumb.I held this title of being an Asian-American-Adoptee, but I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to be one. As the years went by, I continued to feel like I didn’t belong because I looked so different from my friends and family. My adoptive mother would always entertain the thought of traveling to Korea together to “discover my roots.” A freshman in high school with a love for traveling and an open mind, I decided to give Korea a chance.I really do think my heart skipped a beat when we landed at Kimpo Airport in Seoul, South Korea. My eyes bounced around the ice-capped mountains as they appeared to hug the cityscape. It was just surreal and beautifully breathtaking. My mother and I traveled with a group of adoptees and their parents, and each day, as we traveled around the country, we were educated on my motherland, its people, culture and beauty. We spent a very tightly scheduled two weeks exploring the mountains, the beaches, the great city of Seoul, capital of South Korea, and finally, my birthplace and orphanage in the city of Inchon.After a whirlwind of surprisingly emotional and humbling experiences, I realized the anxiety of not belonging that I feared for so long, was no longer present.

As I embraced Korea as my second home, I began to see its people - that I had known so little of - were actually kind and compassionate souls. After not considering myself a part of anything, I now felt a part of both worlds. Soon after arriving home in the United States, I acquired extreme pride for being Korean, holding my head high, which was the complete opposite from the old me.

I secretly promised myself I would become more involved in all that was Korean, developing a passion for Korean music, food and entertainment, among other things. I had become fascinated in learning the language, and enrolled in a small school that taught me the basics, and eventually, I went on to teach myself a little further with the Rosetta Stone language program. I began my obsessions with Korean pop music, as well as Korea’s drama genre by watching many films with English subtitles. Over the years, I have had the pleasure of working and meeting many Korean people who have, without asking, educated me countless times on their culture (language, music, fashion, etc.). More recently, I have gone on a culinary path, and taught myself how to cook a variety of traditional Korean dishes.Overall, I believe I have become a better, more content Asian-American-Adoptee, someone who I would’ve idolized and been able to go to when I was looking for guidance all those years ago. Every day, as I learn more about myself and where I come from, I become more proud of who I am and who I am about to become.My life has changed dramatically since my journey of self-discovery.