by Lian Norris
I knew I was different from others in my community from a young age. At three years old, I’d sit on my mom’s lap and touch her lips and then mine, noticing how different the color and shape were from my own. In elementary school, I’d ask my parents questions with no simple answers; ‘Why was I given up? Why does no one look like me?” In high school, dating felt impossible – I’d never measure up to the blonde blue eyed girls the boys all crushed on. In college I was excited to join Asian organizations on campus, only to learn how it felt to not feel “Asian enough.” While I kept a smile on my face, the feeling of not belonging followed me from childhood into adulthood.
Then one summer, I decided to do yoga teacher training. I’d already been practicing yoga for a few years prior to training, but like most people expected to get a nice stretch in and an after-class mood boost. In one particular class, we spent the day being guided through deep hip opening poses and practiced teaching to each other for the first time. As we neared the end of the class, I felt something release within me and tears formed. I had NEVER cried on the mat before, and felt almost betrayed – how could a practice that had always been so uplifting be leaving me in tears? When I asked my yoga teacher the same question, she wasn’t surprised. “Yoga can help release emotions,” she said knowingly. With one yoga class, moments and feelings from years of my adoptee experience had all been unearthed on the mat at once.
Yoga became the place I couldn’t hide anymore from my feelings of sadness, grief, and confusion. In the midst of these feelings, I started to understand how harshly I’d judged myself for never feeling good enough in my social circles or acting ‘Chinese enough’ – Even in yoga itself, as the pressure of being the “best” yoga student in the training consumed me. Yoga allowed me to sit with uncomfortable feelings and notice how they felt in my body; where I was holding tension and pain, and sadness. Sure, there were plenty of times where yoga still left me feeling pure positivity after class, but it had also given me permission to feel and be more than my default happy-go-lucky self. It inspired me to seek out therapy, and talk with others about my struggles with cultural identity. That first time crying on the yoga mat changed me, and in turn changed how I now see the ultimate purpose of yoga. At its core, it brings you back to the feelings and memories within your body, and in turn brings you back to yourself.
Grateful as I am for the work and processing I’ve done, my adoptee related issues haven’t just gone away as I get older. They’ve simply changed as I’ve changed, sometimes pushing to the forefront of my life, and other times fading in the background. But what’s stayed is my belief through yoga in who I truly am, and coming home to myself. That evolution looks different for all adoptees, who might return to their birth country, connect with others in the community, or even experience a reunion with their birth family. But it can also mean acceptance within ourselves, through a practice as “simple” as yoga. There’s still so much more self-discovery and acceptance to welcome into my life, and to bring to other adoptees. I hope to bring the gift of yoga to their journeys too, helping us all find our way back home together.
Find Your Path with Ties to Wellness – On a Ties to Wellness, we’re creating a space for adoptees to reconnect with themselves and their roots, offering a journey of healing, acceptance, and personal growth. As Lian describes, “Yoga became the place I couldn’t hide anymore from my feelings of sadness, grief, and confusion… It brings you back to the feelings and memories within your body, and in turn, brings you back to yourself.” Whether it’s through exploring a birth country or embracing self-acceptance in new ways, Ties to Wellness supports adoptees in discovering their own path to wholeness and belonging. Join us on this transformative journey.
About Lian: Lian Norris is a transracial adoptee from China. Throughout her life, her experience as an adoptee has shaped her every step of the way and practicing yoga has been a wonderful healing tool for her. Lian utilizes her occupational therapy background and sensory-enhanced trauma informed yoga training to guide adoptees in yoga sessions as another modality to process the ups and downs that can come with being an adoptee, as well as to give support for wherever they are in their adoptee journey. You can find Lian working as an occupational therapist and yoga instructor at Re+Active Physical Therapy & Wellness in Torrance CA, and teaching a yin yoga massage with aromatherapy and alignment-based therapeutic classes at Soul Play Yoga & Fitness studio in Culver City, CA. Lean more on her website here.