Language & Birth Country Travel

Language is a bridge, but not the bridge you think.

Formost adoptees on a homeland journey, language and the ability to communicate isan immediate piece of the journey and has a high impact on identity development. 

Veryfew adoptees are able to speak their birth language.  As a result, theirfirst interaction with people in their birth country is usually awkward andunsettling. 

Thankfully,for adoptees traveling with other adoptees, the moment happens almostsimultaneously.  Practically in unison, we hear, “I was at this shopand this lady was talking to me and I had NO IDEA what she was saying!”  

Language (or lack thereof) is a bridge that connects. 

Becauseawkward things tend to feel less awkward when they happen to other people atthe same time, adoptees do something really wonderful at this point.  Theyuse the experience as a bridge to one another, bringing them closer togetherand better able to help each other as they explore identity. Amazingly,something that divides can also connect. 

WhenI do workshops, I try to help participants understand the feelings created inthese awkward moments. “Close your eyes for a moment,” I request. Then, I say, “Raiseyour hand if you have ever walked into the opposite gender restroom by mistake.”The discomfort in the room becomes palpable, even without others being able tosee who has raised a hand and who has not. (Nearly all hands are always raised.😊) 

With eyes still closed, I ask the audienceto think about the scene and what they felt. We talk about the feelings of embarrassment.Most remember quickly trying to find their way to the correct bathroom and hoping(really hoping) their blunder had gone unnoticed. We acknowledge thatthe self-talk was no doubt less than positive, internalizing negative emotionsabout themselves.

Then, I ask them to open their eyesand say, “Now imagine we all walked into the opposite gender bathroom together.  What would we be doing right now?” Laughterensues and the energy in the room suddenly changes. “We would all belaughing like crazy,” someone will offer. Yes, we would be joking andlaughing, and for time immeasurable, we’d retell the story because it wassomething fun that happened together rather than something miserablethat happened in isolation. It would create a bond between us.

That is what happens with the awkwardlanguage moments when adoptees are traveling with other adoptees. Theexperience allows them to internalize positives rather than negatives.

It gives themspace to be who they are without judgement, a powerful piece in identitydevelopment.

Learning the Language

Manyadoptees traveling to their birth country talk about wanting to learn theirfirst language so they can connect better with people the NEXT time they visit.  This desire seems toreflect the hope of integrating "where I come from" with "whereI'm going” and speaks to intention if not action. In reality, very few adopteesreturn home and actually learn their first language.

Learningfirst language has been a topic for as long as adoption has taken place. Onmany adult-adoptee panels I have attended over the years, a question related tolanguage has come up many times. 

Aparent will invariably ask the panelists, “When you were younger, did yourparents encourage you to go to language classes?  If yes, were you glad they did?  If no, what do you think about it now?”  

Theanswer usually sounds something like this, “Yes, my parents encouraged it,but I didn’t want to go.  Looking back onit now, I wish they had made me.” 

Doesthat mean you should? Not necessarily.

Next up in this series: Blending In and Standing Out.

Read the Intro to this series.

Read Birth Country Travel, Upon Arrival.